finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize