After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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