just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
