You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
