quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize