why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize