Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
