whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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