trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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