Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
