youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
