I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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