she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
