yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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