I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
