Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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