then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
