there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
