The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
