You really coming over, don't trick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize