is your mom at the bar?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
