he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize