You really coming over, don't trick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
