I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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