Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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