Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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