so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
