1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
