i just sent this text using only my big toe
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
