Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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