Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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