I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
