my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
