I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
