Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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