so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
