i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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