P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
