She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish there were birth control emojis
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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