Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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