He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
