North Korea, Best Korea!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
