I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
