i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
