So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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