i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
