i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
