I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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