Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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