I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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