PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
