I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
