Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
