didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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