Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I need help removing her.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
