I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
