im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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