dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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