forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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