You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
