i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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