okay pat passed out under dana's car
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
