How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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