i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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