Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
