You work out of a Hotel?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
