He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
