The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
