My first STD was from a foam party
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's always time for handjobs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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