the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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