I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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