I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
