Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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