Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
