Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
