remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
