so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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