what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
