i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
