is your mom at the bar?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
