I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
