dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
handjob tips. give me some.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
