and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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