why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
