it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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