I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
