we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
